


Alone.

by apollo_the_fool



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Whump, angst baby....., its the mental illness luv, tommy is sad! he has abandonment issues!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:13:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27931315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apollo_the_fool/pseuds/apollo_the_fool
Summary: Tommy's alone. So, so alone. He thinks about how it happened and how he can stop it.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 39





	1. Reminiscing

**Author's Note:**

> Tw suicide//
> 
> tommy sad i sad. emotions.

Isolation drives people to madness. Humans are pack animals, naturally built to be together. Or so he'd read in a science textbook one day. 

He's alone now. Completly alone. It's just him, and some trees, and maybe a bird or two if he's lucky. He thinks about his friends, thinks about lmanburg. Sure, he's been exiled before! But... Schlatt never held all these rules. Schlatt never upheld his exile, never enforced it. And he had Wilbur, and Tubbo, and...

Tubbo. 

Tubbo, Tubbo, Tubbo. 

The name bounces around in his head and he murmurs it aloud, the word hollow and cold. 

Tubbo, Tubbo, Tubbo. 

His best friend, the man he loves more than anything in the entire world. It was them against the world, always. Always. Now it's not. Now they're separate, Tubbo gone and all his friends too. Tubbo left him, just turned on him like that. No remorse, no tears. Just betrayal. 

He still remembers how he felt when Tubbo announced his exile. At first he felt nothing. Just a sick numbness in his chest as he processed. Numb numb cold cold cold-

Then fire. Burning, blazing fire of anger and betrayal. He was so angry, so angry at the man he thought was his friend. Then the ice set in, the frigid cold of fear and bewilderment. How could he have done this? How could Tubbo have left him to rot out in the woods? He's never slept alone in years and years, Tubbo knows that. Tubbo lets him sleep next to him, Tubbo's there to comfort him when the memories come back. Tubbo knows how he was abandoned by his family, dropped off in the forest as a child until he was found. Tubbo _knows_ how much he needs to be around people. 

And yet, he exiled him. Just him. Alone.


	2. Fire

It’s sad, he thinks. Sad that Tubbo's mind was infected. cursed by Schlatt’s rule, his information, his lies. Why else would Tubbo do that? Why else would Tubbo betray him? That’s not the man he knows. He sits under his newly repaired tent, the fabric flapping in the breeze. It’s chilly, the wind whipping at his face. His clothes are torn, shreds from arrows and blasts marring the clothing. The only thing that is kept pristine is his bandanna. Tubbo’s bandanna. Green and soft, always in his pocket. Memories, a single connection to his friend. The man who _was_ his friend. He doesn't know if they're friends anymore, has no real way of knowing. He hasn’t even gotten mail from Tubbo, let alone a visit. Bad visited him and he felt genuine joy upon seeing him. Upon seeing **Badboyhalo.** He never thought he’d get to this point, people giving him pity gifts and trying to get him to cheer up. It’s useless, he’ll never feel the warmth of another, never be held again, never be told everything’s ok. 

Warmth. 

The nether. 

He stands up, walking to the portal. He feels the heat wash over him, hears the screams of ghasts and grunts of pigmen. And he walks, he walks along the familiar bridge to a glowing portal. 

Home. His home. What used to be his home. 

He wanders around the portal for a while, sticking his hand in and feeling the cool buzz of the magic. He could walk through, so easily. But… it would be suicide. Suicide to walk through there, to go see his friends. He’d be dead before he even saw Tubbo, let alone spoke to him. He sits on the edge of the platform, gazing down at the burning light below. He's been here before, looking down and wondering what would happen if he fell. If one day he simply jumped off. It would burn for a while, but then it'd be over. Nobody cares about him anymore. Nobody loves him. Tubbo would probably push him off if Tommy were to tell him about all this. Nobody is there for him. He stares at the magma again, flicks a few rocks off the edge. it would hurt, sure. Hell, he's fallen a couple of times. He prays that this will be the last time as he stands up shakily, walking to the edge of the platform. Prays that he’ll finally be free. Tommy closes his eyes. And falls. 

**tommyinnit tried to swim in lava**


	3. Alive

Thud. 

His back hits grass and he gasps, looking around wildly. _That wasn't the last time._ He claws wildly at the ground, an agonized scream coming out of his mouth. He curses the sky, the sun, Dream. He shouts every word he knows at the earth, tears streaming down his face. Why. Why. Why him? Why him? What did he _do_ Why won't the world let him die? Nothing in life matters anymore, not the disks, not Tubbo, nothing. He sits up, gasping sobs escaping his mouth. he cannot deal with this. This... this....

Agony. Pure, unyielding agony. It spears him through the chest, makes him sob as he realizes that he truly will be exiled forever. He can't believe what happened, what Dream _did_ to him, what Dream **took** from him. He crumples in on himself, and he cries. He cries and cries and cries, until the world is blurry and his throat hurts. 

He thinks about Christmas. About Tubbo’s birthday. He’s been to every single one of Tubbo’s birthday parties since they met, ones with many people and ones with just the two of them. He’s spent every Christmas with Tubbo, sitting by the glow of the fire, laughing over hot chocolate. He goes to his tent, picks up the picture of the tree Wilbur gave him. The lights, the colours, the beauty. Most of all, the community. He wants to see it, he wants to see it so badly. See anything other than his boring world, the same trees over and over again. The same trees he’s trapped with, stuck with for all of time. He can barely even think about a world where he’s not exiled anymore, a world where he’s back with Tubbo. It'll never be like before, they'll never be like before. Even if Tommy forgives him, and that’s a big if, he’ll never forget. He’ll always remember this. He watches the sun sink below the horizon, feels the chill seep into his bones. Another day, another sorrow. Another wash of pain come tomorrow.


End file.
